Tuesday, September 22, 2009

telecommuncations, ill-communications

Dear Virgin broadband, you unhelpful, incompetent, uncaring outsourcing pricks,

I hope this email finds you well.

It was never a question of which broadband I would choose becasue I just love what Virgin stands for. I mean you're such a fun loving brand. It's really brands like yours that just make me want hug the stranger next to me. You love life and you really do live it to the fullest! And thanks for your letter after I signed up, it was so genuine.

Unfortunately due to an experience of late and to my great surprise my views have been somewhat tainted. It is so fucking unfortunate. I will now have to put aside these feelings of admiration and gratefulness (for just being you!) to tell you that whilst your boss is off buying tropical islands and formula 1 race teams, wearing wedding gowns and jumping out of aeroplanes he has unfortunately overlooked the importance of service.

Sir Rich, I am glad you are able to afford all these things and live such an amazingly adventurous lifestyle but perhaps you want to look at cutting out these business expenses rather than fucking outsource your customer service to "Cherry" in Banglafuckingdesh. She can't pronounce my surname and has never heard of the suburb I live in. Most importantly Sir Rich, whilst Cherry is such a pretty name, she, like the Virgin brand itself, gives off a great perception of approachability and serviceability, however she can't solve my fucking problem. Ya dig?

Rich, maybe it's time to save some money and sell Virgin Galactic (hundreds of millions of dollars to send businessmen into space?), purchase a call centre in a place called Australia (It's on earth) and get someone to call me on my phone to get my internet sorted. It's not a huge problem and I'm sure that if you really were using my recorded phone calls (any one of the 4 I have made in the last month) for "quality and training purposes" rather than legal reasons, you may actually be able to solve this little situation we have.

Rich, perhaps it's a good idea to take a leaf out of the books of Optus and Telstra in this country who have realised the importance of social media in speaking to their customers. Both have people sifting through Twitter on a HOURLY basis (not to mention blogs, Facebook, Myspace, Flickr, Wikipedia and the like) and addressing any customer queries and complaints. Unfortunately creating a Facebook page in 2007 and then not even acknowledging the scores and scores of complaints on your wall since does nothing for your customer service and even less for your brand.

Thank you for not even reading this.

Yours sincerly

David Krupp


  1. projecting your anger at fevola at virgin????

  2. Yeah but Telstra is totally fucked as well... There is no greener pastures

  3. can I just say that I hate Richard Branson and Virgin. They're everyone's f*cking mates. That's b*llshit, you don't get to so f*cking wealthy by giving everyone such amazing deals and being everyone's f*cking mate. Maybe, just maybe they're so cheap because they're so cr*p. Maybe they're just like every other corporation and they don't give a sh*t. Now I don't have a problem with them not giving a sh*t, not many people do and the world is just dandy. What I have a problem with is them pretending that they do. No Virgin, we're not mates. Life was made for living? F*ck off, I just want a Virgin who knows what she's doing.

  4. @Anonymous re Telstra - at least they're trying. Virgin need to do something, anything!!!

  5. @Shai Roitman Fev makes me ill and brings shame to the Carlton name. But if he's kicking goals its kind if alright :)

    @Jem absolutely priceless!

  6. TPG is also famous for having one of the worst customer service lines in the world. No one ever solves my problems, and plus, they hang up on me after I've waited for 30 minutes listening to their horrible music. No, it does not keep me entertained.

  7. How annoying...

    Did she pass you onto another Virgin rep at least!?

  8. @Chaigyaru - that holding music really does rub salt into the wound doesn't it?

    @Vanessa - Nope. It's a amazing, every time I have called I have spoken to another rep who assures me "the problem is now solved." And it never is!